# Dirty Tricks to Win the Fight



## evzbc (Oct 11, 2006)

I was pleased to see Spike run some old tribute fights to Royce Gracie who, I have to admit was a little ahead of his time. His BJJ was awesome to watch (if you have an appreciation for good BJJ).

Anyway, when he was fighting Kimo, he was pulling on Kimo's hair, keeping him in his guard. Cheap and dirty...but hey, he did what he needed to win the fight.

What would be some either subtle things fighters could do to mess with the other guy?

Here's a couple:


have awful breath (coffee and onions?)
not shower. have stanky b.o
let fingernails grow long (and toe nails...the Dreaded long Big toe nail!)
eat chili the night before
cut off his breathing

Just trying to have some fun  

Any other ideas?


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## MalkyBoy (Nov 14, 2007)

Before I get flamed I know it was accidental but Randy breaking Gonzaga's nose won him the fight or at least eneded it sooner, so an accidental head butt or two may do wonders. 

Or pay the ref to poke your opponent in the eye a'la Heath Herring vs Brock Lesnar.

Edit forgot about- repeatedly poke your opponents eyes until you score a TKO victory.


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## CornbreadBB (Jul 31, 2008)

Getting an erection while fighting someone will really throw off your opponent.


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## The Lone Wolf (Sep 23, 2008)

I'm pretty sure fighters actually have to have short finger/toe nails.

One thats guaranteed to screw with your opponent is to get a boner


EDIT: dammit, you beat me to it

Also, wear nothing but some tighty-whiteys, and a dickie-bow


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## randyspankstito (Sep 25, 2006)

Did you guys ever see the K-1 fight where the guy kissed heath herring at the intros? 

Another dirty trick is to rub hot peppers all over your gloves before you walk out of the dressing room.


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## The Lone Wolf (Sep 23, 2008)

randyspankstito said:


> Did you guys ever see the K-1 fight where the guy kissed heath herring at the intros?
> 
> Another dirty trick is to rub hot peppers all over your gloves before you walk out of the dressing room.


yeah, and Herring KO'd him with a weak ass punch! :thumb02:

Also, if you want to put your opponent off, get a boob job.

Anyone remember that dude who had part of his rib cage missing? I thought that must be kinda off putting cos you wouldnt want to hit a guy there, you'd just feel like a proper bastard for doing that!


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## e-thug (Jan 18, 2007)

Lindland I think admitted to not showering for a week or 2 before a fight. Putting your hand over your opponents mouth is still used.

Holding the fence on takedowns has definetly become a big thing, ya usually get away with it at least once before points are deducted.

A groin shot is also something ya can get away with once or twice, obviously ya have to make it subtle.


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## 70seven (Mar 5, 2007)

As soon as the bell rings, tap out, your opponent will never see it coming.


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## randyspankstito (Sep 25, 2006)

The Lone Wolf said:


> Anyone remember that dude who had part of his rib cage missing? I thought that must be kinda off putting cos you wouldnt want to hit a guy there, you'd just feel like a proper bastard for doing that!


Tra Telligman, who has now faded into obscurity as part of tim sylvias highlight reel.


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## CornbreadBB (Jul 31, 2008)

Whisper sweet nothings into your opponents ear when you touch gloves.


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## e-thug (Jan 18, 2007)

Lindland I think admitted to not showering for a week or 2 before a fight. Putting your hand over your opponents mouth is still used.

Holding the fence on takedowns has definetly become a big thing, ya usually get away with it at least once before points are deducted.

A groin shot is also something ya can get away with once or twice, obviously ya have to make it subtle.


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## Flak (Jul 1, 2007)

Tre wasn't missing part of his rib cage, he didn't have a right pectorial muscle. Looked weird, but the dude could still club you pretty good with a right hand


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## Toro (Aug 11, 2007)

70seven said:


> As soon as the bell rings, tap out, your opponent will never see it coming.


LOL the idea is to win, not to lose. :confused02:


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## Couchwarrior (Jul 13, 2007)

evzbc said:


> not shower. have stanky b.o


Yeah Lindland does that already. I'd hate to be caught in his triangle, and I'd probably tap right away even if he just got me in the north-south position.


> let fingernails grow long (and toe nails...the Dreaded long Big toe nail!)


Can't do, they check that before every fight.


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## coldcall420 (Aug 2, 2007)

shoving your thumb up some ones butt thats got you pinned is dirty....:dunno:


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## evzbc (Oct 11, 2006)

Haha, hilarious guys.

What about tickling? 

Maybe he has a tight guard and doesn't let up, so a bit of tickling his ribs might make him ease up a bit?

Some goofy faces might do the trick also.

Crossed eyes (or just cross one)?
The Simple Jack impression while fighting?


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## The Lone Wolf (Sep 23, 2008)

coldcall420 said:


> shoving your thumb up some ones butt thats got you pinned is dirty....:dunno:


Yeah, but my girl loves it!

Love ya darl :bye01:


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## All_In (Aug 23, 2007)

CornbreadBB said:


> Whisper sweet nothings into your opponents ear when you touch gloves.


Laughed for a good while at this for some reason.


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## Fieos (Mar 26, 2007)

Some of the more basic ones. Any time you are in top guard or mount, breath through your mouthpiece. You'll drool on your opponent, if you can snot a little... so much the better.

Topside north/south position, rest your cup directly on their forehead, let them know your luggage has arrived.

Without grabbing their shorts, adjust their jockstrap. Not much will change a guy's position faster than reaching up the leg of their shorts a bit.

If you can get your armpit directly on their face, win.

A little flatulence never hurts.

Work your opponents ears over to the point they are worried about cauliflower ear.

Don't wash your shorts, or wash them and leave them in the washer for a few days before competition.


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## cdtcpl (Mar 9, 2007)

MalkyBoy said:


> Before I get flamed I know it was accidental but Randy breaking Gonzaga's nose won him the fight or at least eneded it sooner, so an accidental head butt or two may do wonders.


Actually if you watch the .gif, I hope someone has it, you will see that it is his own knee that breaks his nose. Coutures head is in Gonzaga's upper chest.


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## Audman (May 17, 2007)

would they stop the fight if you crap your pants(shorts)


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## plazzman (Mar 29, 2007)

Fart in the mount position.

Raspberries FTW!


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## CornbreadBB (Jul 31, 2008)

Gently nibbling your opponents ear when you have their back.


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## plazzman (Mar 29, 2007)

How about rubbing your cup over the dudes face in NorthSouth?

Or, once again, farting during a triangle?


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## Aaronyman (Mar 1, 2007)

how about shitting yourself in the middle of a fight?

c'mon Tim...we all know you didn't have a stomach virus


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## MalkyBoy (Nov 14, 2007)

what about pissing yourself in the guard


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## silvawand (Oct 15, 2006)

CornbreadBB said:


> Whisper sweet nothings into your opponents ear when you touch gloves.


Some of these (especially this one) are making me literally laugh out loud hysterically.

Mainly cause I've had this conversation with my friends, a lot of these same ones have come up, nice to know we aren't the only freaks who think of shit like Cornbread haha.


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## Cartheron (Sep 5, 2007)

Is this thread Lindland's 101 to MMA?


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## WouldLuv2FightU (Jul 17, 2006)

When you got someone's back just start dry humping them.

When your in someones guards start trying to make out with them.

Or when your in their guard just start makin all sorts of wierd and random noises. Laugh wierd and scream a bunch. 

:dunno:


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## swpthleg (Dec 31, 2006)

You might win the fight, but you'd get your ass kicked in the parking lot after.


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## Fieos (Mar 26, 2007)

swpthleg said:


> You might win the fight, but you'd get your ass kicked in the parking lot after.


/signed


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## CornbreadBB (Jul 31, 2008)

What makes you think if they wont fight in the ring, they would in the parking lot. Either way, I have more.....as soon as you get into the ring, start furiously masturbating. Go to the ring in a wheelchair. As soon as the bell rings, start crying hysterically. Oh man I could do this all day.


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## SpecC (Nov 18, 2007)

genki sudo turning his back on you

not that it helped him win, but it was pretty cool


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## SideWays222 (Sep 9, 2008)

CornbreadBB said:


> Getting an erection while fighting someone will really throw off your opponent.


Im pretty sure that Kimbo when he fought, uhhh i forgot his name... something thompson, he had a boner. There were alot of pretty good shots on him and his boner it was kinda funny.


I also think nothing is cheap to win fights.

+They check your nails before you enter the octagon.
+Eating chilli the night before would only hurt your performance.

I also think that Matt Lindland used to be real smelly so people didnt like to fight him.

Cutting of breathing is fine since its part of the rules.

Everything thats against the rules is cheap and everything thats alright within the rules isnt cheap. Thats how i look at it anyway.

+ like i always say, If you aint cheating you aint playing to win


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## plazzman (Mar 29, 2007)

Try desperately to undress your opponent?


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## BigPont (Nov 19, 2007)

I don't know what's up with you guys and boners, but wouldn't it be hard to see with the cup on anyway?

And like someone said, they could always pull a Psycho Sid and shit themselves mid-match.


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## xeberus (Apr 23, 2007)

imo, get north/south position with a huge massive erection, and go to town on the dudes face. and i mean *TO TOWN*


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## coldcall420 (Aug 2, 2007)

SideWays222 said:


> Im pretty sure that Kimbo when he fought, uhhh i forgot his name... something thompson, he had a boner. There were alot of pretty good shots on him and his boner it was kinda funny.
> 
> 
> I also think nothing is cheap to win fights.
> ...





BigPont said:


> I don't know what's up with you guys and boners, but wouldn't it be hard to see with the cup on anyway?
> 
> And like someone said, they could always pull a Psycho Sid and shit themselves mid-match.


 

There's no way the guy really had a hard on....are you guys kidding me, what about fighting another dude would give a fighter a hard on...?


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## SideWays222 (Sep 9, 2008)

coldcall420 said:


> There's no way the guy really had a hard on....are you guys kidding me, what about fighting another dude would give a fighter a hard on...?


I swear to god lol Kimbo had a boner in their fight.


Let me find it after i take a shower.


EDIT!!!!!!!!! GOT IT.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVxmkDacPYI&feature=related

You can clearly see at at 3:39
also you can see it a few times in round 3.

I remember there was a slow motion version of every time u can see a boner... i cant find it now but i crackd up when i saw it.


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## WouldLuv2FightU (Jul 17, 2006)

SideWays222 said:


> I swear to god lol Kimbo had a boner in their fight.
> 
> 
> Let me find it after i take a shower.
> ...


I really doubt he had a hard on. It sorta looked like it when I paused it but most likely his cup was just ajar. Either that or he's got a dick the size of a 14 year old's.


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## The Lone Wolf (Sep 23, 2008)

Coat your arms and gloves in chloroform. Whether its the KO or choke youre going for, you cant go wrong with a bit of chloroform


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## 70seven (Mar 5, 2007)

Can't believe I'm typing this, but about the Kimbo hard on, you guys do know MMA fighters wear cups right?


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## XitUp (Jan 11, 2007)

coldcall420 said:


> There's no way the guy really had a hard on....are you guys kidding me, what about fighting another dude would give a fighter a hard on...?


Plus adrenaline is pretty much a wood chopper.



The Lone Wolf said:


> Coat your arms and gloves in chloroform. Whether its the KO or choke youre going for, you cant go wrong with a bit of chloroform


Good plan until you have to put your guard up.


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## SideWays222 (Sep 9, 2008)

WouldLuv2FightU said:


> I really doubt he had a hard on. It sorta looked like it when I paused it but most likely his cup was just ajar. Either that or he's got a dick the size of a 14 year old's.


Haha i dunno... you can also see it in round 3. You would think he would fix his cup....



70seven said:


> Can't believe I'm typing this, but about the Kimbo hard on, you guys do know MMA fighters wear cups right?


Yea i do but maybe it moved out the way or something... i dunno i never got a boner wearing a cup. I always did find it strange but i cant explain what else it could have been lol


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## 69nites (Jul 28, 2008)

evzbc said:


> I was pleased to see Spike run some old tribute fights to Royce Gracie who, I have to admit was a little ahead of his time. His BJJ was awesome to watch (if you have an appreciation for good BJJ).
> 
> Anyway, when he was fighting Kimo, he was pulling on Kimo's hair, keeping him in his guard. Cheap and dirty...but hey, he did what he needed to win the fight.
> 
> ...


royce also threw a knee to the groin in round one or two of UFC 1.


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## Fedor>all (Oct 22, 2006)

Well, if you're tired and getting tooled on the feet, spit your mouthguard out, causing the referee to halt the action. This happened with Varner/Razor Rob. Razor Rob wasn't winning the fight by any means on the feet, but when Varner's mouth-piece got knocked out after a sick punch landed by Rob, Varner appealed to the ref who called a time-out, allowing Varner to recover, subsequently preventing an onslaught from Rob.

Also getting a hard-on would never work because fighters fight with cups, the other guy would never notice. If you really wanted to **** with your opponent, eat a can of beans a few hours before the fight. I've been on the bottom in grappling sessions, and squeezed out some really loud Kraft Dinner farts causing my partner to laugh, breaking their concentration which allowed me to go for the sweep. This might be tough in a UFC setting because of the loud audience, but in smaller shows it could definitely work.


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## CornbreadBB (Jul 31, 2008)

You could vomit while in guard or bring your opponents picture in the ring then kiss it, sigh and put it in your pants.


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