# Hilarious Mike Goldberg Quotes



## AlphaDawg (Nov 16, 2009)

Joe Rogan: "Think of leg kicks as like in a video game. The more they take, their power goes right down."

Goldberg: "I know what you're thinking, mighty ball mighty ball DEEP DEEP DEEP!"

Joe Rogan: *Does best to ignore that and continue talking about the fight*






Mike Goldberg: "He's got him in some kind of strange choke I've never seen before!"

Joe Rogan: "That's a rear naked choke."






Joe Rogan: "Karo is wide open!"

Mike Goldberg: "Diaz smells the opening."






Mike Goldberg: "You can hear the corner speaking portuguese!"

Joe Rogan: "Uh, that's Japanese, brother"

Mike Goldberg: "I should have known that."

Joe Rogan: "You're the one married to a Japanese chick."

Mike Goldberg: "That is correct."






Frank Shamrock: "Ohhhh huge knee!"

Mike Goldberg: "Big knee!"

Frank Shamrock: "That was a huge knee!"

Mike Goldberg: "That knee was big!"






UFC 68

Goldberg: "Welcome back, Randy Couture. This fight brought to you by..."

Sylvia gets knocked down in the first 8 seconds* 
Rogan: "Big right hand! Sylvia is down!"

Goldberg: "...Shooter. Starring Mark Wahlberg in theatres next Friday."








UFC 76 Machida vs. Nakamura

Mike Goldberg: "And here is Nakamura...entering the octagon for the 1st time...touching the fence for the first time."

Joe Rogan: (laughs)"You running out things to say?"

Mike Goldberg: "Yeah. Kinda(laughs). You? You know, you could help out and chime in once in a while..."






UFC 79 Sokoudjou Vs. Machida

Mike Goldberg: "Because SOAKoudjou is so highly touted, you almost want to sit back and watch and SOAK it in."






Mike Goldberg: "Don't forget coming up next it's Blade the series...plenty of action, violence, vampire sexuality!"

Rogan: "Vampire sexuality, what's that?"

Goldberg: "I don't know, it was on a card they put in front of me"





UFC 84 Wanderlei Silva vs Keith Jardine

After Wanderlei "The Axe Murderer" Silva knocks Keith Jardine out 
Goldberg: "The Iceman is back to his winning ways!"



"The Dean of Mean" Keith Jardine vs Kerry Schall

Goldberg: "If Jardine's last name were Johnson, the nickname Dean of Mean would make no sense."





Parisyan vs Burkman

Joe Rogan: "He's getting instructions in two different languages."

Mike Goldberg: "He understands them both!"





on Travis Lutter

Mike Goldberg: "He's like the Michael Jordan of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu!"

Joe Rogan: "No, he's not"

Mike Goldberg: "Larry Bird?"

Joe Rogan: "Uhm, no."

Mike Goldberg: "Kobe Bryant?"

Joe Rogan: "..."





Couture vs Gonzaga

Joe Rogan: "Here's a beautifull left hook by Gonzaga." Mike Goldberg: "Yup, You can clearly see his nose explode there." Joe Rogan: "I don't think that was it actually, the thing that damaged his nose was in a takedown." Mike Goldberg: "Oh, Gotcha!"

Clip of Randy taking Gonzaga down (not the headbutt one) 
Goldberg: "Oh yeah, you're right, thats it, pardon me." Rogan: "I don't think it was there either, i think it was in another takedown." Goldberg: "Oh."

Clip of Randy slamming Gonzaga, which caused the broken nose due to a headbutt* 
Rogan: "I believe this is what caused it, watch as he takes Gonzaga down, they both collide heads, BAM, thats it, right there." Goldberg: "Oh, good call, good call."






on Kenny Florian after taking a groin shot

Goldberg: "... So you want to be an Ultimate Fighter?"






on "Lil' Evil" Jens Pulver vs. John Lewis

After "Lil' Evil" Jens Pulver knocked Lewis out* 
Goldberg: ""Lil' Eagle" flies again!"



TUF 7 Finale

(on Diego Sanchez's conditioning)

Goldberg: "It must take a lot of energy just to keep that mean look on his face"






Random Quotes

Goldberg: "He's unrelentless!"

Goldberg: "You know Roy Jones Jr. respects the hands of Forrest Griffin."

Goldberg: "And here we go!"

Goldberg: "And it's all over!"

Goldberg: "That eye is rocked!"

Goldberg: "Could we be blessed with a 3rd round?"

Goldberg: "Continuing on his meteoric rise!"

Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up they would pound each other behind the barn!"


I lol'd too many times to count. This may be old to some but it was new to me.


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## Indestructibl3 (Apr 2, 2009)

I only needed the first few to LOL - Goldy is ridiculous/hilarious.


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## caveman (Aug 16, 2009)

funny stuff


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## faustus34 (Jul 17, 2007)

With Rogan's comedic knack, Goldberg is merely cattle fodder.


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## Rusko (Feb 4, 2010)

shortly after Anderson Silva knocked out Forrest Griffin.

Mike Goldberg: "Anderson Silva is back!"
Joe Rogan: "He didn't go anywhere man."



Luke cummo vs Josh Haynes
MG: Luke is dominating on the feet look for Josh to shoot and use his superior wrestling.

JR: I dont think Haynes has ever shot on anyone his entire life.

MG: Yeah Joe he really likes to stand and bang.



"coming up next the TUF 10 Heavyweight premiere with the "legendary" Kimbo Slice!"


Goldberg: "He wants to get in close and use that reach advantage."

Goldberg: "This is what happens when an unmovable force meets an unstoppable object."


on Anderson Silva's striking ability

Goldberg: "His precision is...really precise."

Goldberg: "He has excellent Muay Pie...Muay Thai."




MMA in general:
10. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson


Quote: "When I be losing I be gettin’ my ass whupped. But when I be winnin' I be doing the ass whuppin'!"
Admittedly, Rampage has had enough funny/dumb quotes to fill a book and over 2/3rd of them contain some version of "ass whuppin'". We'll let this well-said overly obvious statement represent the many that he has given us — and the hundreds more that are sure to come.

9. BJ Penn


Quote: "My diet is like Atkins, but with the carbs."
We like BJ - and he's a fan favorite - but, Prodigy, a little extra effort would be appreciated when you're fielding questions about your diet. Everyone knows what Atkins is, so if you add the carbs...well, then it's not Atkins at all is it?

8. Wanderlei Silva


Quote: "I want to ****...I want to fight Chuck, **** Chuck."
We understand English is not his first language, but if I’m going to be at press conferences and giving recorded interviews, I’m going to at least make sure I’m not saying I want to bone a dude instead of fight him. But maybe that’s just me. I’m not from his country. [Ed. note: Sure, GSP’s accent has led to some hilarious moments, but never did we misconstrue him as wanting to bed Matt Hughes.]

7. Jim Brown


Quote: "I don't know what kind of technique was used there, but there was a lot of kicking and punching."
Astute observations like this is what helps us understand the ins-and-outs of MMA. Sure, the use of Jim Brown may have just been a ploy to throw some celebrity power behind the broadcasts, but my grandmother could have made this remark. Actually, my grandmother has made this remark.

6. Phil Baroni


Quote: "I fight because I can't sing, I can't dance, and it beats working all day. Now ask me a question that doesn't sound so ******* stupid."
Well, for those of you who can't sing, dance or fight, I guess you're up shit creek. Looks like you'll be working all day for the rest of your miserable existence. Baroni never did handle interviews with kid gloves, but when you make comments that are just plain stupid, expect to make the dumb list.

5. Tank Abbott


Quote: "I felt like I was being raped by Freddy Mercury."
Tank made this comment over a decade ago after losing to Dan Severn. Now, we're not sure if Tank actually had the experience of being violated by Queen's bandleader or if that was the first person who came to mind when he was asked how he felt. Even though Dan Severn and Freddie Mercury shared similar mustache styles, this still ranks as one of the dumbest.

4. Tim Sylvia


Quote: "Half of this game is 90% mental."
We may feel a little sorry for him sometimes, but this guy just can't stay off of our worst lists. This one was just begging to be here. And for those of you who failed math more than once (is that so wrong?) half is 50%, not 90%. Hence the dumbness.

3. Mike Goldberg


Quote: "He wants to get in close to use that reach advantage."
Goldie is a master at the dumb quotes and has a multitude during each broadcast - like "Looks like Tito is taking a book out of Chuck's chapter." This gem comes from Ultimate Fight Night 10 and it will certainly be topped by an even dumber quip by the toothy commentator soon. It's only a matter of time before Rogan chokes MIke out for his idiotic sayings.

2. Paul Buentello


Quote: "Don't fear me. (pause to get the crowd pumped) Fear the consequences."
We're sure he had something cool to say, but as soon as he got the first three words out it all went blank. Then cheesy movie lines started rushing into his head and he's stuck with this embarrassing quote for life.

1. Ken Shamrock


Quote #1:"You got kicked. By a kick."
Quote #2: "I am very confident this fight can go either way."
We could do a top 100 of Ken's quotes, but we'll only use these two from TUF 3 for this list. Quote #1 is so blatant, it hardly warrants anything be said about it. The second quote is a classic Ken when a microphone is shoved in his face and he must rely on his mind to do the heavy lifting for him. The results are hi-larious. But careful about making fun of him, he will "beat you into a living death" (an actual Ken quote).
http://www.cagepotato.com/2008/02/08/10-of-the-dumbest-quotes-in-mma/


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## Ddamien2007 (Feb 27, 2012)

Rusko said:


> shortly after Anderson Silva knocked out Forrest Griffin.
> 
> Mike Goldberg: "Anderson Silva is back!"
> Joe Rogan: "He didn't go anywhere man."
> ...


UFC 144 Shields vs Akiama (right at the end of round one)

JR: Akiama Looks Amazing at Welterweight!
MG: Shields throws alot of punches here in the first round.
JR: Theres a few good jabs form Jake Shields
clck clak ...MG: Final Seconds
MG: Again he looks for that same trip to Sexiama
JR: Long silence followed by an observation where he makes sure to enunciate YAKI-AMA.(as opposed to Sexi-ama)


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## Ddamien2007 (Feb 27, 2012)

Ddamien2007 said:


> UFC 144 Shields vs Akiama (right at the end of round one)
> 
> JR: Akiama Looks Amazing at Welterweight!
> MG: Shields throws alot of punches here in the first round.
> ...


Then at the end of the fight much to my disbelief:

MG: Shields and Sexi-ama go the distance!


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## PheelGoodInc (Jul 23, 2009)

Goldberg is a mumbling, fumbling idiot. He makes me want to punch babies... 

...and I love babies. 

Rogan is awesome though.


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## AlphaDawg (Nov 16, 2009)

At first I thought "What the--I didn't post this" then I realized I posted this over 2 years ago. Back during my high school days....great, now I feel old.


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## MagiK11 (Dec 31, 2006)

The Japanese comment at the start had me lmao....and he's married to a japanese girl. Damn.. :thumbsup:


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## kryptonz (Feb 21, 2012)

wow 2 year old thread? still good thread tho.  MG is a one funny mofo :thumb02:


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## Leakler (Sep 23, 2010)

Love Goldberg ha-ha, but for all the wrong reasons! Wouldn't have him any other way though! .

Edit/ Haha didn't realise the thread was so old, ah well, still funny!


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## mratch19 (Nov 19, 2007)

PheelGoodInc said:


> Goldberg is a mumbling, fumbling idiot. He makes me want to punch babies...
> 
> ...and I love babies.
> 
> Rogan is awesome though.


well said.


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## BaBoom!! (Dec 31, 2011)

Rusko said:


> 4. Tim Sylvia
> 
> 
> Quote: "Half of this game is 90% mental."
> We may feel a little sorry for him sometimes, but this guy just can't stay off of our worst lists. This one was just begging to be here. And for those of you who failed math more than once (is that so wrong?) half is 50%, not 90%. Hence the dumbness.


All of a sudden the 80% of fighters he could beat makes a lot of sense


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## Joabbuac (Jan 31, 2009)

Tim's statement is not all that daft really....That was just his very smart way of saying that mma is 45% mental


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## Soojooko (Jun 4, 2009)

Jens Pulver vs John Lewis ends with a seriously lol-worthy knock out. Worth finding the fight if you haven't seen it. This thread rocks for reminding me!


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## BOMDC (Feb 13, 2011)

Totally worth bumping. What was the WEC fight where he was commentating with Frank Mir and during a replay was all 

"Here's the one the really rocked his world" 

*Clip shows fighter whiffing a haymaker* 

and then Franks all "Caught more on the neck there..." 


Facepalm.


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## trimco (Feb 4, 2011)

This is great.

Take all the crap you want about Goldberg, but his dynamic with Rogan is great. 

I'd much rather they keep doing what their doing rather than have him replaced with Bas (who I can't stand commentate) or Randy.


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## Rauno (Nov 20, 2009)

Steve Austin, otherwise known as Steve Cold I'll Tell You What Austin


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## Hawndo (Aug 16, 2009)

My favorite recent dumb line was "The punches that land are sometimes the most dangerous". I think it was Rogan, and I paraphrased so maybe wrong but it was pretty similar to that.


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## The Horticulturist (Feb 16, 2009)

I love Goldie. Can't believe how much better he's gotten in the last few years. 

The changes in his voice alone deserve praise. Gotta love the HGH scrip.


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