# Seeing a known convict w/ mental issues in my area has got me afraid of walking home



## Synergy (Dec 20, 2009)

Apologies for length but it all seemed relevant.

I thought psychology was the most fitting place for this.

I'd like to begin by noting that I have 2 years of thai boxing experience under my belt. Although in that time it has made me alot more confident if it came down to a fight I realized a while after starting it that handling confrontation and handling a fight are two distinct things. I noticed this mainly since even though my fighting skills had improved lads would still want to test me regularly in my day to day goings on. In the past few years I have improved alot in this area however this particular person in question (and similar of his kind) still sends the fear into me because I know him as a convict who has mental issues. It is the unpredictability factor that scares me the most.

There is this maniac st. person who I've seen around for years in my city who seems schizo. He goes around pestering ppl all the time asking for money but also does things like just stands there takes their food and otherwise terrorizes all the general good honest members of society and deliberately intimidates them. I can see no redeemable qualities in this person. I 1st knew he was an ex-con when I 1st came to this city and he was walking around shouting for ppl to give him change as he's been in jail for 10 years. The manner he was doing it was blaring it out giving no regard to social norms so the institutionalization/mental issues seemed apparent rather than your average chav. giving it the big'un.

This was in my student area at the time- so presumably plenty of easy targets. He came up to me a couple of times then and he would totally terrify me since he seemed deeply institutionalized/mentally messed up from whatever stuff he's done in his life. Up close when he spoke to me it seemed like he had a nervous tick and maybe had a bang or several to the head; one eye pointing away a bit- the full psycho works. He would immediately try and aggressively take advantage of me psychologically 'testing my boundaries' (which admittedly were weak at the time). It would paralyse me and I'd feel helpless and always fear seeing him when walking around my area.

I hadn't seen this guy for a couple years. I had moved to a different part of the city centre but the other night while talking on the phone to my mother I looked out the window and my heart sank as I saw this monstrous entity walking past my window looking at my building as if it were an interesting target for more of his terror tactics. He looked characteristically dishevelled with a huge unkempt thick beard. I am rarely scared by most people these days but this guys made me 'jump out of my skin' after not seeing him for ages and hoping he had died/been locked up for good. I couldn't concentrate on what my mother was saying there was so much fear running through me.

So now I am sort of scared walking home at night wondering if I might see him on a dark night. Usually I've seen him when there are lots of people around so at least then I feel a bit safer. Even though he doesn't seem to have much acuity to social norms if anything happened there would be some form of help at hand even if just to phone the police. More than that though it is easier to escape into the crowd. Of course ideally I don't want to do this ***** behaviour and instead feel confident wherever I'm walking.

I now live close to the clubs but it's still like a 1/4 to 1/2 mile walk home and the road is very empty.

Just like he always did I know if I saw him he'd try and test me somehow. So what should I do if the situation arose? I have to be prepared. Like I say I really loved my new place but now seeing this animal I and am scared walking home at night. Sounds lame but I wanna get this handled so I am being honest.

From what I recall what he would immediately try 'testing' you by trying to get you to answer his questions and play into his frame. I imagine he must have trained this daily in prison and is pretty much all he does with his time- tries to find easy marks to take advantage of. So how to not be an easy mark? For instance he would come up and start asking questions like 'where are you from' then make some story up about how he needs money to get somewhere. He also once just asks me if I know “X” gang who are the 'prolific' gang of my city. So over the years I have noticed his hoops but back then didn't know what to do to get out of them. In the past when I reluctantly complied to them I felt myself sinking more and more into his frame; one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced.

I am pretty good at not getting shit from the average idiot in the club now but these 'street guys' I still have some hurdles to get over with. This guy has til now still put shivers up my spin due to his 'history'. It's more that I fear this guy cos he is a known convict. I don't fear guys in the club cos I know they are not 'toughguys' and worst I'd likely get is a couple of punches in the face before the bouncers broke it up. I am scared of guy in question because I think to myself he would either have a weapon or have some nasty prison moves he learned in all his time inside. So could people with more experience of these types of people perhaps weigh up the odds of weather my fears are rational or not and/or whether my 2 years thai boxing would likely be fit to deter such a person?

I have been thinking the general idea should be to draw a firm line in the sand from the getgo and if he doesn't respond make it clear I will quickly escalate it so he backs ceases and desists and leaves.

So practically how would I put that into action in what I'd say and do?


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## xeberus (Apr 23, 2007)

There's a lot of text and I skimmed. Look martials arts, kickboxing, muay Thai w.e is all fun and games maybe you get into a scuffle outside a bar w.e. In real life when it comes down to it piss off with the martial arts and get a gun. This crazy guy gives you shit again pull take out your gun, if you live in the UK make it pepper spray, empty the can on his face and it would help if you had some boots on as well, while he's down this is the part where you kick seven shades of shit out of the guy and if he's still conscious when you're done tell him if you see him again you'll ******* kill him. 

I carry a gun, if you can't get one pick up some pepper spray, or just some gloves and a billy club/tire iron/Cro bar/jack/brass knuckles etc w.e you're comfortable with and don't walk around around scared anymore.

Protip he does not give you an ultimatum, he approaches you and you tell him to piss off he chooses not to piss off and no one is around.. That's when it's time to beat his ass.


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## Soakked (Feb 5, 2007)

I don't believe the problem lies with the individual but rather in yourself. Your phobia of confrontation and unpredicability has paralyzied you to the point that you reinforce your self as a victim. Once a predator has a scent of fear, they stalk.

Stop putting energy into this individual more than you have already, and have confidence that nothing will happen. If the individual approaches you, keep walking, if he asks you for something, look him in the eye and say "sorry" (not aggressively, but with confidence) and keep walking. Be aware of his distance towards you and don't turn your back on him if he is within touching distance.

Use your experience with training Muy Thai as a confidence booster and know that if he ever did try and come to harm you, you would be more than capable of handling yourself. In jail there aren't any "secret techniques" other than attacking in numbers, sticking you when you aren't looking, and sucker punching. 

You would be far more experienced in technique, so I would not be afraid of him. If he does have a weapon and flashes it, then you run. Don't try and be a tough guy, run and when you are safe call the cops and make a report. If he is a convict, then most likely it would be easy for him to go back to jail.

Most likely he won't go to that level and will try and fish for weaker targets. Don;t become that target.


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## Synergy (Dec 20, 2009)

To above post, yup, that is reassuring.

It gives a more rational outlook on things. 

Cheers. 

To the carrying weapons and pepper spray I don't think that is a very practical option. That is what I like about martial arts is it's the most 'concealed weapon' .


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## xeberus (Apr 23, 2007)

Why is it not practical for you? My cellphone is bigger and heavier than a thing of carry pepper spray, just put it in your pocket like your phone or wallet. 

I've been fighting in either boxing/kickboxing or bjj since for the past decade. No amount of skill or physical prowess will ever compare to simply buying a gun.


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## The Horticulturist (Feb 16, 2009)

Synergy said:


> To above post, yup, that is reassuring.
> 
> It gives a more rational outlook on things.
> 
> ...


PUT IT IN UR PURSE YA BITCH!



But seriously, if you are feeling scared, run, if you are feeling brave, fight, if you want practical advice, listen to xeb.


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## HaVoK (Dec 31, 2006)

Or...you could actually approach the guy in public and try talking to him. Sounds crazy...I know.:confused02:


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## xxpillowxxjp (Aug 23, 2010)

all you have to do is act bigger and scarier then he is acting. Most likely this is all a scheme of his and it will fall apart if challenged. If he asks you a question answer it back with your own question. "where you from?" "why the f*** do you care?", "Do you know X gang?" "Do a give a f*** about X gang?" or whenever he asks the first question simply say "f*** off" and he should get the picture. If he doesnt thats when you cause a scene, get loud, and make sure he thinks you crazier then he his. If you do this i ensure you he will leave you the hell alone forever.


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## khoveraki (Jun 28, 2009)

Don't ask for advice for something like this on an online forum. You won't remember any of it when it matters anyway.



Go to your local police station and see what they recommend for legal self defense in your area.


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## Synergy (Dec 20, 2009)

xxpillowxxjp said:


> all you have to do is act bigger and scarier then he is acting. Most likely this is all a scheme of his and it will fall apart if challenged. If he asks you a question answer it back with your own question. "where you from?" "why the f*** do you care?", "Do you know X gang?" "Do a give a f*** about X gang?" or whenever he asks the first question simply say "f*** off" and he should get the picture. If he doesnt thats when you cause a scene, get loud, and make sure he thinks you crazier then he his. If you do this i ensure you he will leave you the hell alone forever.


Ye, I'd actually considered this...answering a question with a question- play him at his own game. Cos he doesn't really give a shit where I'm from he's only asking to put up a hoop to see if I'll jump to test for compliance that he could exploit. 

Maybe: 
Him: where are you from? 
My response: Why are you asking me these questions? 
/Why are you talking to me?

Now if he complies and explains himself effectively I've flipped the script on him and he's explaining himself to me. Like you say I bet hardly anyone does that to him which is why he keeps this charade up as it makes most people passive and stunned (as I have been in the past).

Maybe not even getting into the questions:
Me: Non of your business.

then perhaps

Me: Go away please

Calm but assertively.

I think the main modus operandi is not to comply to any of his requests and instead be defiant and assertive from the getgo. 

Then after if he sticks around much longer/tries to impose any more I could then get confrontational and do the **** off treatment.


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## Dr Gonzo (May 27, 2010)

Soakked said:


> I don't believe the problem lies with the individual but rather in yourself. Your phobia of confrontation and unpredicability has paralyzied you to the point that you reinforce your self as a victim. Once a predator has a scent of fear, they stalk.
> 
> Stop putting energy into this individual more than you have already, and have confidence that nothing will happen. If the individual approaches you, keep walking, if he asks you for something, look him in the eye and say "sorry" (not aggressively, but with confidence) and keep walking. Be aware of his distance towards you and don't turn your back on him if he is within touching distance.
> 
> ...


Best answer so far. 

You say its only one dude that shits you up. This is almost definately a pschological issue that can be easily resolved. Your descriptions of him, his looks, his demeanor, his criminal past, they all seem like reasons, or excuses to why you have to avoid him.

You must remember, hes made of the same flesh, blood and bones, regardless of his size. Take one minute out of your day, just one. Sit on your own and let your mind wander. If any thoughts come into your head about this dude then immediately swat them away, at the end of the day, these are just thoughts right? Thoughts can't harm you. After the minute is up, go about your day, and if any thoughts about this dude pop up again, just think or say to your self, these are mearly thoughts. Once you get used to the fact that these thoughts about this guy are infact, just thoughts, your fear should slowly dissipate.

What I mentioned above is a genuine pschological technique used to help people overcome fear. A type of cognitive thinking. Hope it helps. :thumb02:

Also, I study sport Psychology degree at uni so I'd like to think I can help if you need.


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## Synergy (Dec 20, 2009)

Tyson Fury said:


> Best answer so far.
> 
> You say its only one dude that shits you up. This is almost definately a pschological issue that can be easily resolved. Your descriptions of him, his looks, his demeanor, his criminal past, they all seem like reasons, or excuses to why you have to avoid him.
> 
> ...


Cheers.

Yes ironically hes actually really skinny like a crackhead (I'm medium build) but I think it's just cos he stunned me those years ago why I still have this fear reaction to him. 

Time to shake of those old belief systems and 'come into my power as a man' without sounding too corny .


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## Dr Gonzo (May 27, 2010)

This challenge that you are currently attemting to overcome remided me of another thread on here that I think will help.

http://www.mmaforum.com/mma-forum-lounge/91884-honest-have-you-ever-been-alpha-maled-before.html

Quite a few stories on there that could hopefully inspire you a little. :thumb02:


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## Synergy (Dec 20, 2009)

Cheers. 

I was just thinking about what you said that it is the fear which is causing these irrational thoughts in me. 

Rationally we like said the thai should be more than adequate to deal with the situation such that I should not have to use it and feel confident walking the streets (within reason ).


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## Dr Gonzo (May 27, 2010)

Synergy said:


> Cheers.
> 
> I was just thinking about what you said that it is the fear which is causing these irrational thoughts in me.
> 
> Rationally we like said the thai should be more than adequate to deal with the situation such that I should not have to use it and feel confident walking the streets (within reason ).


Deffo dude!

I do believe my work here is done.


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## americanfighter (Sep 27, 2006)

Get your concealed carry permit and carry a gun.


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## Soakked (Feb 5, 2007)

If I move to another state I would definitely carry a firearm. Unfortunately I live in Bloomyork City :confused05:.


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## UKMMAGURU (Nov 15, 2009)

Ski Mask, stalk, thai clinch, knees.

If you manage to do this in your area i doubt you'll see him around that way again.


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